What if you had all Prince Al'walweed's Gold?

Posted by Markco at 8:00 AM

This article by Forbearance was absolutely hilarious, for the comments section, what would you do? If you don't know Forbearance is there to help you ret paladins learn to push more than three buttons in raids, or at least have a blast pushing them.

"I'll hire all my sexy readers. All of you. Your job is to sit there, eat bon bons, and play wow with me.

I’d like to expand on this a bit.

1) We’ll be a pretty big guild and there will be NO drama. People who get into drama will have their penis decapitated with a rusty spoon dirka dirka Muhammad Jihad style.

2) Everyone one of us will be a brick in a brick house. If we throw individual bricks at Yogg, he’ll laugh. But, if we stack them bricks and build a huge-ass brick house and drop that on his face, it hurts. We execute as one unit and we do whatever the raid leader tells us to do. If the rl calls for field goal on 1st & 10, we kick the field goal. Anyone who says things like “that’s dumb” or “why don’t we try…” or anything like that… dirka dirka Muhammad.

3) I don’t wanna be the raid leader or the GM. I don’t wanna deal with formulating strategies, raid composition, or any other administrative stuff. I’m a lazy deeps and I just kill skull.

For GM role, I’d appoint someone with proven track record of leading a big guild through end-game contents. Matticus comes to mind. The only thing about Matt is that he looks like a big wobbly teddy bear and I’m skeptical whether he can instill fear in people’s hearts. During ready checks, I need someone to yell out stuff like “on my command, unleash hell”, and you can’t do that in Barney’s voice.

I want a solid range dps to be the raid leader, this is because range dps has visuals on the entier raid movement/positioning and has much higher margin of error than those of tanks/healers.

4) All gems and enchants will be guild-provided. So, I’ll hire Gevlon as the guild gold fund manager. He says stupid things and pisses me off, but his investment acumen and market discipline is legit.

5) I’d hire Averna and Ferraro, just so Averna can have the first set of legendary fragments.

6) Slayton, Markco (he runs JMTC), Hana, and Rafa will be required to form a 5v5 arena team with me and carry me through 1800+ rating. I want the furious mace. All other ret pallies have furious mace and they don’t let me join in the reindeer games. It’s bullshit. Antigent will be required to put his furious mace in the bank and run around with something like Sonic Spear until I get my mace. It’s not that I’m bad at PvP. It’s just that I treat everything like UK trash. I do insane dps, but I only excel at dpsing down stationary targets that don’t sheep and stun me. I also operate on an “agro table”--I just go after whoever pisses me off the most."

Please read the rest of the article here and let Forbearance know if you liked it!